Crouch, touch, pause, engage?

This past Monday, I did my very first solo trip to see Dr van Waart. Trevor has been on a training course for the last three days and, unfortunately, he couldn't tag along. Anyhoo, it was a check-up that left me with some mixed emotions.

Here's what's wrong at the moment: Wren-Lee is lying posterior i.e. her face is up instead of down. She hasn't descended yet i.e. she's sitting in the middle of nowhere instead of down in my pelvis. And, to top it all, her umbilical cord is lying around her neck. Surprisingly, the cord is the least of our concerns.

Here's what's right at the moment: She's a healthy little monkey. Her weight is approximately 3kgs. And I'm fine. Well, as fine as I can be under the circumstances.

According to my doc, it definitely sounded like she was descending properly over the last week but, for some reason, repositioned. My waddling and pain were not for nought although it would've been better if she stayed where she was. I've been trying to recall if anything happened between Sunday and Monday morning that could've sent her back up but that's just me over-analyzing again. The doc says we've just got to watch and see what Wren-Lee does. I'm no longer in the driver's seat and she's in charge of her own little ship now. This is difficult for me to accept because a.) I want to be able to do anything and everything possible for this baby and b.) I've wondered if it was something I did that got her into the wrong position.

I could feel she was in the correct position up until Saturday but, for the life of me, can't understand why she not only flipped but also crept back up. Trevor actually has a pretty good theory: Maybe my pelvis is just too small for her.

So, what are the positives here?
Well, my doctor is backing me 100% on giving birth naturally. My pregnancy has had zero complications, Wren-Lee can still be turned and has enough time to descend so those bases are covered. Dr van Waart also has a few tricks she could try to flip and/or get her to engage if we can rule out the need for a C-section. Speaking of which, we're seeing her again this coming Tuesday and I'm praying we can indeed rule out the C-section.

For now, I'm trying to not overthink which is not easy for someone who's mind has no off or mute button. It was a lot of information to take in and there are moments where my feelings on the situation go awry but I'm aware of it and dealing with it. I want her out safely but it's now very real that it might not happen as I'd hoped. That's life. All I can do is keep calm, keep an open mind and do whatever is possible to help her along.